January 17th, 2009. We are anchored in La Cruz, Mexico. We raced today. And last Saturday. But today we finished in the allotted time, and last Saturday, we did not finish as they announced the race ended at 4:30 and those who would not finish before that time were dnf. That drove Merle crazy. He is quite competitive. It is his nature. We did make some progress this week, other than actually placing. This time, Merle was really patient with me as we raced. I am helmsman and he is everything else. He does sails and sheets and minor adjustments and major sail changes like putting up and taking down a spinnaker, which is no small feat for one person! Most boats have teams for that sport! I just steer. Anyway, he spoke kindly to me and he remembered that it was all just a game. And I am so grateful. I wish I could say I did as well. But I didn’t. We had a mis-communication right at the end, and I could feel my ego wanting to be right, and I was unable to tell myself that it was more important to be kind than right. I tried, but I would not listen. It was aweful. I am always preaching that. And I couldn’t live it myself. I could feel my ego wanting to be mad, and I succumbed! I didn’t listen! I was shocked and disappointed at myself. I will try to remember, if I have the opportunity to be right or kind, always pick kind. Merle did way better than me today; today he was the winner and I was the loser. At least I know it, and I know how to fix it. I just have to work at it some more.
I was lying in the hammock tonight, absorbing all of the movement. The water is in constant motion, washing earth’s shores. One of the things that I absolutely love about living on our boat is that, every time the boat moves and causes me to shift my weight in some way to maintain balance, it reminds me that Mother Earth is alive under my feet. I am reminded of this beautiful truth every other moment. And yet, when my feet are on solid ground, I think of this perhaps every other day, if that. Why is that? Is my life so rushed on earth that I forget? Or is it that I do not spend enough time in nature? Or is it that I am so disconnected once ashore that I need that jostling to remind me of what is important in life? Indeed, once ashore, I know there are daily tasks that consume my life and distract me from the beauty and miracles that happen in nature every day. What is truly important? Is it the paperwork and filling out forms so we can function in this society? Or is it being able to get past that stuff so we can enjoy the real miracles that we step on and breath in and taste and touch every moment of every day? Yes, I think this. Yet, I know from being on land even now, that I become more disconnected than I am on the boat. The moment I step onboard after being ashore even for a day, I feel the sway of our little home as she rocks to the rhythm of the waves, and am instantly reminded of Gaia, alive and well all around me.
In the hammock, the water moves all around us. And the boat moves and rocks on the water. And looking up, the mast also moves across the sky in my line of sight as the boat sways back and forth. Or maybe it is the stars that are moving? And of course, with the sway of the boat, the hammock rocks itself, without any help from me. Although the rocking hammock does not exactly match the waves, nor the boat, we all rock together in perfect balance and harmony. And then every once in a long while, when the water and the boat and the swing of the hammock are just so, the hammock stops and is completely still for a few moments. That is a magical time of synchronicity that is very peaceful. It reminds me of when people and events come together in co-operative incidences. It seems like chaos getting there, and then all of a sudden there is this easy effortless moment when everything falls into place. It seems like when I am grateful, I notice things working out for me, and these moments happen more frequently. But when I choose to be sad or fearful ( or some version of yuckyness), those moments are rare, at best. I am trying to be more peaceful, and live more in the easy magic of synchronicity.
I am doing the course in miracles (TCIM) again. I started over. I just finished the ‘I am determined to see’ and ‘I am determined to see things differently’ lessons and am on the lesson ‘I can escape from the world I see by giving up attack thoughts.’ I loved doing TCIM with Kirsten. She is such an amazing woman, full of inspiration and love. She continues with the course, and I join them from afar in spirit. But it is different somehow than being there. Perhaps as I become more connected, it will not be so different. I wish I could find someone who would do it with me. I will, eventually.
I just started Real Magic by Wayne Dyer. It has prompted me to start meditating again. Now I am going to do just that. Good night!